


As He Stood by Him For Ages

by TallysGreatestFan



Category: Ancient Egyptian Religion
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, I am so nervous about this, M/M, Mythopoeia (amount and way of believe influencing gods), Old Gods in modern days, POV Non-Human, remember I write about my interpretation and idea of those gods not the gods themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TallysGreatestFan/pseuds/TallysGreatestFan
Summary: Long after his pantheon was on the height of their power, Anubis reflects on what the new times mean for them. Perhaps Thoth, who even has made scientific researches about this topic, knows answers that calm him?
Relationships: Anubis/Thoth (Ancient Egyptian)
Kudos: 10





	As He Stood by Him For Ages

**Author's Note:**

> Oh damn I had no idea if I should even do it, it could be really, really disrespectful. But then, I write about my idea and interpretation of these gods, not the gods themselves. Aah, I honestly don't know. Just that my damn brain was so fixated on this that this had to go out.

Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of being a god was the sheer amount of time one witnessed. Years and years adding to decades adding to centuries adding to thousands, and if Anubis looked back now, it felt like falling, falling and falling, endlessly, and never hitting the ground. It had been different once, he thought as his essence incorporeally stretched out trough the Duat, parts of him guiding the souls of those who still believed in his pantheon and had died, parts of him fighting the forces of chaos to pave their way, parts of him judging them in the Hall of Truth. Most of him however simply was woven through the substance of Duat the same way the process of cellular death and renewal was woven trough all living organisms. For a brief moment he wondered if that was how mortals felt when their hands were busy with handywork, knitting maybe, but nothing occupied their mind, leaving it open to go into all these dark places one normally prevented it from entering.

Yes, it had been differently once, as he was much more a force of nature, a law of biology they had given a name than a person. Time had been a concept of the mortals, then, his existence had been too different from theirs for it to have an similar impact.

But a god was a product of their followers giving matter to aspects of existence with their mind, as Thoth hat concluded in that long study of his, and the conclusion of this thesis was that their character and power, their very being, changed with the amount of believe of their followers. Or lack thereof. Now, right now there were people knowing him, even people believing in him and praying at him, he tried to say to himself. It was not like this horrible time period where all of his existence had been shrunken to an vague idea and darkness, wandering and searching and never finding – don’t think about it. But it were still considerably less than back then in Ancient Egypt, leaving him more an superpowered person than an force that was considerably higher than the mortals.

Thoth and Maat both said it would get better, that the real danger for their pantheon was over. But still, when he looked at these thousand years in Egypt, there were pieces missing, memories to all-encompassing for his current state to comprehend.

He suddenly felt uncomfortable in his incorporeal form, it was to close to how he had been back then but didn’t quite reached how powerful it truly was.

In another part of the Duat, he felt Osiris presence shortly reach out for him, but he simply pulled back. No, he was in no state to talk with Osiris about this. What was the terror of forgetting against truly dying and coming back differently, being betrayed by his own brother and leaving his wife and son behind and drowning to death. Drowning was not a nice way to go. He was not quite sure if after having experienced all that, Osiris ever faced these questions that plagued him. Furthermore, there were times for dialogues between father and son, but now didn’t seemed that time. He needed to talk with an friend, an equal.

He took form in the Hall of Truth. His modern form, out of reflex, the short, lean-faced north-African man in black tuxedo with the long, white scarf. He smiled to himself a bit, seemed that he had spent too much time with their mortal mages and scribes lately in the human world.

Ammit dozed beside Osiris empty throne. The scale of truth stood where it always stood. Aside from him nobody else was present – well, aside from what had once been the forty two judges, but he had long since stopped counting them. Today he did not succeed in not looking at them though.

“Are… are that the forty two judges? What happened to them?”, had Layla asked. It had been a mistake to show their mages around in Duat, he had thought back then to not think the much scarier things that arose. Even if Layla was the daughter of morticians and so easily had found his sympathy.

“It is because of this believe-thing, that you are directly linked to people believing in your religion, right?”, one of the other mages had sad, his face pale.

Even in his memory his voice sounded to distant: “…and when you not one of the mayor deities you fastly happen to get not enough recognition.”

He wished he could train them, teach them his brand of magic and so let their mortal antics bring his mind of this moment. But right now they all were too much caught up in the recent catastrophe of the mortal world.

He adjusted his scarf and then went to check the scale. It was more or less redundant work since it was Maats job to bring the scale in perfect balance, but it was better than having nothing to do. Perhaps he should read; go to Thoths library and take one of the scrolls, yet he felt to restless for that.

He could sense Maat before she truly entered the Hall, it suddenly seemed as if the construct of reality, the order within, was much more clear than normally, and an faint scent of freshly cleaned spaces, objects reached him.

She materialized at the other end of the hall, wearing the judges robe that swung around her lean, petite body, an stark contrast to the wings at her arms. Said wings were slightly more disheveled than usually. Anubis directly knew that something was off.

This suspicion only got confirmed by her movement, even more rectilinear and effective than usual, and the way her pale grey eyes glared out of her sharp face.

“Were you training with the mages? Did something happen to them?”, he had thought they were all busy with the newest human catastrophy, but he could be wrong.

“No.”, she paced towards him. Her movements were so angular and powerful that even he, who knew and worked beside her since thousands of years, felt a bit threatened. “I was in the USA.”

His jaw worked. That couldn’t mean anything good, aside from the people there who worshiped them, they usually stayed clear of the USA, because of that particularly nasty brand of Christianity that was so popular there and tended to clash with them. If Maat had ignored this danger, there must have been an truly awful cause.

“Met up with Iustitia, planed what we could do in this situation.”

If Maat a top of that even met up with a member of another pantheon, this was truly worrisome.

She laughed, an desperate, mocking sound. “I mean you know what is happening all around the world right now.”

“I am Guardian of the Dead, preserver of death rites. Of course I know. Are you aware of how many more souls come to me each day?”, he said automatically, only realizing afterwards that this perhaps was not the most emphatic answer.

But Maat simply nodded: “Its one of these years.”

“The year Cleopatra died was one of these too.”

“Oh, that was worse. Much worse.”

“Yes.”

He should ask her what exactly she had done there in the USA, but frankly, he was to tired, and didn’t wanted to know, and was quite sure that even if he knew he would not been able to provide the comfort she needed.

Maat didn’t start to tell, however. Somehow this made him feel even more guilty.

She absently preened her wings.

“There is some Ta’amia and Hummus left.”, he said.

“Thank you.”, Maat smiled. For a moment the empty feeling vanished and he felt truly useful, belonging to. With an sensation of fondness he thought at how both Maat and Thoth would probably purely live of bread with olive oil without him, or just forget to nourish their corporal forms completely in favor of more interesting things.

“Why don’t you just use magic to create something?”, he had asked Thoth once.

“To much effort.”

Maat had already almost left the Hall as he remembered.

“Could you check the scale for me please? I adjusted it but I want to make sure. Ah, and I need your feather.”

“Oh, of course.”, she said. That was also worrisome. Normally, Maat would never forget her task. Or even just show the slightest bit of slack in it. Thoth was sometimes scatter-brained, or to late, or had ideas that were interesting in theory but lacking in praxis, but his wife… no, not her.

As he watched her adjust the scale, the emptiness was suddenly so present that he couldn’t help but blurt out: “Are you afraid sometimes?”

“Afraid of what?”, her pale eyes shone in her olive brown face.

That was the question. Yes, afraid of what exactly? Of time? Of forgetting? Of being forgotten?

“Of… the change.”

She thought for a moment. “No.”

Something inside him flinched back. Of course she would not fear it. How foolish he was.

She seemed to have noticed his expression, because she added: “Order is not static. It is constantly changing and evolving. Did Thoth explain to you how chemical reactions reach balance in closed systems over time?”

“You know him, of course he did. More compounds than I can remember.”, he remembered standing in Thoths laboratory and watching the liquids mingle in his beakers, and watching and listening not really because of the science behind it but because of how Thoths eyes shone when he told it.

“World order and justice and truth are like this too. Parts intermingling and reacting with each other and reacting back. Even if the amount of one compound stays the same, the reaction does not stop, merely just the amount of substance reacts that it overall stays the same. And if the conditions change, the balance will shift too.”, she looked at her wings for a moment, preened one feather near her hand, “So I can’t allow myself to fear change. Otherwise I could not fulfill my destiny. I am order. I spent more time as a concept than as a person before we took in the mages and I had to become something… someone they could interact with.”

“But I am not a concept. Not as much as you are.”

“No.”, suddenly he realized again how tired she looked, and felt bad for having burdened her with that. She smiled at him, but it did not reach her eyes: “I am sorry, this is just the way I personally deal with it.”

He heard footsteps on the stone floor and only now realized that Thoth had finally arrived as well.

He still wore his battered lab-coat over the white shirt and jeans. Anubis was never sure if this was deliberately or if he simply had forgotten to put it off.

With a delighted sign he said: “The experiment was an full success. I love how much time for science and writing I have these days, even though I do miss discussing my theories.”

Maat light up a bit. But now Thoth seemed to have noticed their overall state, and meant, bluntly as always: “You both look as if you had quite a bad day, however?”

“Human rights violation in the USA. Again.”, Maat growled, but seemed to exhausted to explain more.

Thoth made an sound like an displeased ibis, and went over to her, caressing her shoulders. She leaned into the touch and for the first time today her face relaxed a bit.

A faint sting in Anubis heart. How wonderful it would be to be this close to someone. But Anput hadn’t been as lucky as him, by now merely more than an faint shadow and an memory. He barely remembered her anymore. Thinking about that made him nauseous.

“And you?”, Thoth asked.

“Nothing particular. I spent the whole day in the Duat. An encounter with a demon, but nothing out of the ordinary. It is just too much time to ponder. Lesser happens than right now out on the streets in the mortal world.”

Thoth ignored his half-hearted attempt at easing up the whole situation with a funny comparison.

“Do you worry about Seth? I heard he is slowly getting bored with the situation in the mortal world.”

Huh? Anubis hadn’t heard about that particular news.

“No.”, he did not want to share this with them. They would surely start pondering too if they heard it and he did not wanted to do that to his friends.

Thoth left Maat and walked over to him, laid a hand on his shoulder. This was also something different than usual, Thoth was no fan of physical contact with anyone but Maat.

“Even I can see that you are upset about something. We are your friends, you can always talk to us.”

He shrugged, avoided Thoths gaze. Then he leaned forward and whispered, so that at least Maat would not hear: “The mages saw first hand what our dwindling worship did to some of the lesser deities. They… they were clearly disturbed, and asked questions. Before the measures on the human world, that’s it.”

“So one week ago.”

“Its silly but it crops up again and again.”

Devastation crept trough Thoths calm, rational voice: “You could have talked with me or Maat. You could have told Osiris or Isis or Nephthys.”

He suddenly felt foolish: “They all seem so sure in what they do. They saw worse, and got out of it stronger. I was just not sure if they could understand.”

“This… decay is happening to all of us.”, he hesitated, and Anubis could clearly see in the tension of his jaw and how pressed his voice sounded that he was somewhat uncomfortable with showing this much emotions: “You should not have been alone in this.”

“Thank you.”, nine out of ten situations, he would just made Thoth uncomfortable like this, but right now he sensed that it was adequate, from his open body language and his face leaned to him, and he hugged him shortly. It felt strange to actually feel him, not half sink into his form like when he touched one of the souls he guarded, and that he was warm, and not cold like the bodies he treated.

As they parted, Thoth smiled.

“I leave you two alone.”, Maat said with a strange smile, as she went towards the back door of the hall.

Thoths gaze followed her briefly, then it came back to him. Suddenly his eyes lit up like when he was close to realizing some scientific secret or some especially sophisticated formulation.

“Have you been in Duat this whole week?”

“Yes.”, he shrugged, “I could take walks in the human world if you think that would help? There are some pretty artful graveyards…”

“I don’t think that particularly would help you.”

“Why not? I like graveyards. They are wonderful quiet. Contemplative. I like the gravestones and the flowers and trees. They are peaceful.”

“Thesis: You need more diversion. Come with me.”, he hold out his hand. He had long fingers, and their inside and his palm were paler than the sepia brown of the back of his hand. Again it struck Anubis just how warm he was. His own tawny light brown made an slight contrast against his skin.

The Duat swirled around them, and in the next moment they stood in front of an ugly, battered seventies block construction.

“The Physics department of Cologne University. Really?”

“It was the first thing that came to my mind. Would you rather have the university in Cairo?”

They both knew that Egypt had another religion by now, and so was off limits.

“Besides, you said you liked the green on graveyards? Here is green too.”, he was right, there was rich green lawn, and dark green firs and two rows of deciduous trees besides the way on the other end of the area.

Thoth pointed at the university buildings in front of them. One modern, fractal building in grey and green, and several more in fawn stone that looked almost, but only almost, ancient Egyptian with their broad, sturdy style. “Artful stones are here too. I could tell you about the architecture styles, their meaning and their history, but you would probably be bored.”

“Depends on how interesting you make your lecture.”

Their gazes met, and the flickering in Thoths eyes let him forget his worries for a moment.

They began to walk over the lawn, and Thoth started telling. He was always so happy when he could do that, as if he still expected someone to tell him he was boring.

There were no others out, and in their absence more animals than usually dared to make their way into the city. Goldfinches were chirping and flying around in the trees. Pigeons sat in front of them and didn’t even thought about moving away. Half a dozen rabbits sat on the grass and munched or hunted each other as a play.

“They have fascinating social structures, do you know?”, Thoth changed the topic, “Since they are a part of Maats order, of course.”

This warm feeling in his chest again, admirable how Thoth found interesting details to study in every single small thing.

“Unut would be so happy about you saying that.”, he thought at Unuts hare-face in her old form.

“What became of her? Did you see her?”

And they were back on their topic. “No. Not since centuries.”

They kept quiet for a while.

“I am sorry. That was… not empathetic.”, Thoth said.

“I am thinking about this anyway so…”

Thoth thought for a moment: “But you are not fearing death?”

“No. All of my work centers about death, it is daily routine for me. It is simply change from one state to another.”

“Then being forgotten. Forgetting? Anubis, death and souls are something that will exist as long as live exist. Science and Writing and the concept of the supernatural will exist too. Or order and justice. We are condensate down to the most basic concepts, everybody still there by now.”

“We’re not a chemical solution, Thoth.”

Thoth averted his eyes. “I know. But it makes it easier to think about.”

And then he finally realized what exactly he was afraid about. Even just thinking about it hurt, but he had to talk about it: “I fear to be the last one left. Because… because I am the most popular in pop culture, and that is where we gain much of our power from right now, isn’t it?”

Completely unexpected, Thoth pulled him in a tight hug.

In this form he was shorter than Thoth, so his face rested awkwardly against Thoths shoulder, his nose touched the edge of the lab coat. He laid his arms on Thoths back, feeling his lean frame, and tried not to think about the substances the splotches on the coat consisted off.

And, even more surprisingly, Thoth didn’t let go.

“This will not happen. We are gaining power again.”

“But if something unexpected happens?”

He could feel Thoth shrug his shoulders, but he didn’t answer. Instead he just stroke soothingly over Anubis back.

He had been aware of his scent before, it was all around him, interwoven with the feeling of his magic, but he only really noticed it right now. Books and papyrus and ink and a bit of dust, that kind one found in museums or old libraries. He smelled good.

“Well, you have wondered why I chose a place in Germany, but I can show you that there are quite some nice places in this country.”

“And I thought we’d come here for the bread.”, Anubis joked.

Finally, Thoth let go of the embrace and hold out his hand. The scenery blurred around them again.

For the first moment, he thought he would be back in Nil Delta. The air smelled of salt and in front of him dunes with green-greyish grasses extended.

Then he noticed the oddly dim german sun hanging above them, and the droplets of rain falling on his face.

They stood on a way of bricks, beside an small, red wooden hut. White birds soared trough the air or sat in the dunes, but their necks were too short and they were to sturdy to be Thoths ibises. Their sounds were different too, harsh mewls. Seagulls.

“What is this place?”

“Langeoog ornithological station.”, so that was how Thoth could access this place. “And I am positive that you could reach it too.”

“How?”

Thoth smiled slyly and lead him into the hut. Neither inside nor anywhere outside on the way were any people.

There were short texts about the different birds that lived here on the wall, an case example of the seagull population after the beginning of industrialization and an german poem about how one should not shot those seagulls and of how they all looked as if their name was Emma. Thoth would have analyzed how the rhetorical devices described the influence of hunt on the population numbers of herring gulls. Anubis saw the always present shadow of death and the so strangely intertwined empathy even for such different beings as seagulls in it.

Then he finally saw the glass column. An taxidermined ouster catcher, an sea swallow and an herring gull stood inside.

“Not exactly mummified, but close enough.”, Thoth commented.

Anubis tested for his magic, and indeed, there was an faint but noticeable stream of power coming from the preserved animal bodies.

“You’re a genius!”

“I know”, Thoth chuckled, but looked slightly bashful.

They went outside again.

For a while, they only stood and watched the seagulls and felt the cold stings of the rain on their skin. Then he suddenly felt Thoths gaze on him.

“You do somewhat look like an jackal even in your fully human form.”, he said in the same intonation he used for formulating scientific thesis’s.

“You notice that now? That’s the reason I chose this face.”

“Of course I noticed before.”, Thoth said. His face looked slightly like an ibis, actually. Only slightly. If one searched for it. With a bit fantasy his pointy, broad nose resembled the long bill of an ibis, and the dark, almond-shaped eyes were a bit like the dark beady eyes of the bird. Of course Anubis had been aware of the angular edges of his jaw and his full lips before, but this was one of these moments when he only really noticed it.

“Now only seemed like the moment to mention it.”

That made him think. “Sadly it does not work as well as I hoped with the souls of those who did not worship us in their live time. Our worshipers always recognize me no matter the form. But the others… I can’t really blame them, they lived a live in a racist world and they are all so frightened when they come to me, the Duat is not a nice place for mortals, but they tend to be afraid of me in this form, almost as much as in my jackal-headed-form. They think I am Turkish or arab.”

Thoth only shook his head.

“Now, if I am in my animal form, however, they are not afraid at all. They just think I am a strangely colored German Shepherd or something. You wouldn’t believe how many times I got head scratches and ‘You are a good boy!’”

Thoth burst into laugh: “Really?” and then “I think I couldn’t do that.”

“I do like being stroked from time to time.”

“You do?”, there was a strange teasing undertone in his voice that sounded so not like him that it seemed artificial.

“That sounded wrong, didn’t it? As wrong as that phallus-shaped-vase from IKEA.”

“ _What_ IKEA vase?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know. And that says something, giving that you were present at the lettuce incident.”

“This really means something. Nothing tops the lettuce incident.”, he chuckled. Then his expression went thoughtful again, and he meant: “It seems like you are better.”

“Why?”

“Because you are using your strange comparisons again. I was waiting the whole day for you to do that, because it shows that you are well.”

He simply smiled.

“Besides, I like your face.”

He felt heat in his cheeks.

“Its slightly asymmetrical. That looks fascinating.”

At first, he wanted to make another strange comparison how weird that compliment was, then he realized that it was genuine and would be insensitive.

Instead he looked into Thoths face, determined to find something to compliment too. Oh, there was enough. He got stuck on his large, dark eyes. Western Literature loved to say how brown eyes were boring and not beautiful, but this was definitely not true. On the first glance the seemed like ink, black and deep, but as he looked longer he noticed the plain around his pupils, flat and smooth looking like obsidian. It would have been an ideal subject to compliment but the idea seemed awkward.

Instead, he continued on their previous topic.

“I thought about changing my shape again, similar face but white, but it seems so traitorous to me. Leaving behind my heritage like that just because of some racist clichés.”, he snorted frustrated, “Besides, if I were white I would look like Seth.”

Thoth nodded. “It is fascinating how genetics work sometimes. Especially on many-shaped beings like us.”

Suddenly, his hand was in his hair: “You would need to start dressing like the protagonist of the next post-apocalyptic movie and have red hair. Oh, and more tangled. It already has almost the right length? You also would need these red bands braided in.”

He stopped, and it seemed that in the very same moment they both realized that Thoths hand was in his hair. A second passed in which they just stared at each other. Then Thoth slowly started brushing trough his hair and lightly scratch his head.

From every other person this would have felt mocking and highly condescending in this shape. From Thoth, however, it just felt really good. Peaceful.

He turned his head and their gazes locked again.

With a sudden force, longing overcame him. He couldn’t quite remember when the last time was that somebody had touched him like this, but it was too long.

He also noticed again how pretty Thoths eyes were, and how nice the shape of his lips.

Rain pattered on his face and hands, and in the far the seagulls screamed.

With an sudden thought, he lifted his hand, and laid his fingers on Thoths lips. It had seemed like a good idea while at it, but already in the next moment he was about to flinch back.

“Does… does Maat…? I don’t want to humiliate her like this.”, he thought at his mothers affair with his father, and how this was one of the factors that had lead to Seth eventually killing his father.

But Thoth just smiled. “She is order. Just order. Not the just popular order, an deviant order is just as proper. She is above these things.”

“Oh.”, he said.

He thought the moment was ruined, but then Thoth brushed his lips against his finger and the longing got so great that it felt like a shock.

As they kissed it seemed familiar, natural. Thoths lips were slightly rough, but he liked it, it made the experience feel more real. He tasted like coarse bread and Hummus.

One hand on his lean chest, he brought the other up his back, until finally the lab coat ended and his fingertips reached smooth skin and then thick, curly hair. He buried his fingers in it, explored the texture.

The warmth, the aliveness of it all almost overwhelmed him.

Even trough the thick fabric of his suit top he clearly felt Thoths hand on his back, then his waist. Still he wished he would wear something thinner. The picture of Thoth in his scribe clothes back in the old days suddenly flashed his mind. Only a white kilt covering him, an golden stripe leading over his bare chest. How could it be that what had been so ordinary back then now excited him so much? Had he internalized so much of the colder countries strange concepts of modesty?

He deepened the kiss, and Thoth pulled him closer.

In this moments he did not know how often they had done this before, but he did not care, did not worry about it.

The hand in his hair slid down to his neck, pushed the scarf away to graze over his neck tendon, and he gasped out against his lovers lips. He suddenly wondered if he could make him howl.

At some point Thoth broke the kiss, their hips still pressed together, but he didn’t wanted it to be over, so he brought his lips to his neck and licked.

Thoth hummed, and it sounded almost like an ibises chirp.

He wanted to hear him chirp again.

He bit and kissed and shoved the damn shirt away, felt his lovers hands on his chest and hips and thighs. The wonderful scent he had noticed before enveloped him.

“We should probably move to another place.”, Thoth finally said.

“Yes we should.”

Still embraced, Thoth transported them to his own rooms.

The scent got only stronger as the clothes were gone. He had to control himself to not press his face against his lovers dark skin and take in the scent everywhere on his body, to see how it changed with the places.

His skilled scholars fingers moved over his skin, and it had been long since he had been this gone.

Afterwards, they lay curled together. He felt just as peaceful and content like as he had dozed in the sun at the riverside of the Nil in his animal form in old times.

He started from his dozing trough the whistling of wings. On the other end of the bed, Maat stood and looked at him with an unreadable expression, and for a moment he feared this would become awkward. Then she grinned, and wordlessly snuggled up to Thoths other side.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write Anubis as clearly not a human. I think this is the clearest at the beginning, but I also tried to bring in snippets later, when he relies more on his sense of smell, for example. I thought it just would make sense when he has a very fine sense of smell even in his fully human form because these god are links between animal and human and canines rely heavily on their noses. 
> 
> I actually wrote an bad Kane Chronicles copy cat when I was 13 or something, and now my interest in Ancient Egypt Mythology is back, and I actually took the good ideas from there. 
> 
> Also, I love Maat. I have no idea how to write her because there are so less myths about her as a person and not just a concept, but I do love her. And I love her and Thoth together, the original nerd couple. 
> 
> And yes, that this slightly hints on a OT3 is deliberately. I have to admit I ship it, but even just writing this story seemed super risky to me, so I didn't wrote it that way. 
> 
> In case somebody wants to know how I imagined their human forms to look like roughly:  
> Anubis - Riz Ahmed  
> Thoth - Chiwetel Ejiofor  
> Maat - Cheryl Green 
> 
> Oh damn, I thought about this story way to much...
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated


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